Tax all for now folks.

Got a tax bill during the week

The bill itself wasn't a surprise, had been expecting the brown envelope for a while.

But the amount. Sweet divine Jebus!

I was still in the feathers when Herself brought it up with my coffee.

(I get a coffee in bed every morning! She loves me that much.)

I knew it was bad when she told me to have the coffee before looking at the bill!

As I said, Sweet divine Jebus.

A small stroke was had by all!

Another coffee. Another small stroke!

Now I know things are bad in this country at the moment.

But my bill was for nearly 75% of my earnings!

So I get all the relevant paperwork together. Meanwhile shares in Nescafe go through the roof.

I call the tax office. The nice lady listened. (And she Was nice.)

"Yes I see what has happened".

A mistake had been made. Really?

Seemingly the tax office don't do the tax assessments anymore.

These are now 'farmed out to a private company, and some mistakes have been made'.

My bill should be significantly lower I was told.

Thank fuck for that.

Spent the reast of the day in the gym running around like a blue-arsed fly from all the coffee.

Haven't got the new bill yet tho'.

Pancakes

And once again the annual pancake party is over.

I spent at least two hours over a hot stove.

Making my famous (in my house) confections.

And this year for the first time I also made wheat-free versions.

For the newly discovered wheat intolerant peeps in our clan.

It was an experimental recipe of my own making.

They turned out better than the traditional ones.

New fillings this year included peanut butter and strawberry jam.

And apple sauce.

Much fun was had by all.

Lets Stay Together

Did a wedding in Adare tonight.

The bride requested one of my favourite songs for the first dance.

'Lets stay together' by Al Green.

She got good taste.

Hope I did it justice.

Again, fun was had by all.

Bald? My arse!

A post over on Bock's about young fella's hair reminded me of my own luscious locks when I was a young teenager.

A long time ago that was.

I'm bald now. A happy bald.

"There's Mapstew the baldy fucker" they say as I enter the pub.

And everyone kisses my head and buys me drink.

I'm at one with bald.

I'm a shiny happy people person.

What I don't get is this;

Why, when the balding process starts,

Does the body suddenly decide to sprout hair every fuckin place else?

Where no hair is needed? At all. For fuck sake!

The fuckin Nose. The effing ears. The shaggin' shoulders.

And of course the back and crack!

And what's the story with eyebrows getting a mad fuckin' growth spurt all of a sudden?

Left unattended, mine would be quite at home, thank you very much, above the eyes of any old shagger in the Kremlin!

Death

I think about death a lot.

Quite a lot in fact.

Every day.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not obsessed with death.

I'm not a dreary person.

I'm quite a jolly fellow.

Fun loving even.

It must be my age.

It started when I was 40.

I saw the hill. I climbed it.

Now I'm over it?

Don't think so.

So I stay fit. And healthy.

I love life.

I just think about death a lot.

I sing at weddings.

Thats what I do. For a living.

I like it, I like it a lot.

People seem to be entertained by me and the lads in the band.

And we love entertaining people.

I came home with a pigeon basket tonight, from a wedding!

Don't ask!

Fun was had by all.

Now where did I put that bag of corn?

Dog Not Gone

That Fuckin dog next door NEVER STOPS FUCKING BARKING!

It hurts my head.

Please stop it doggie.

Please.